1. Your friends say nothing when you mention your relationship issues.
Everyone knows you guys fought last weekend. They could probably tell you what started the fight before you even say that you saw he got a text from his ex; they all know the drill. It’s happened before. It will happen again. They have no response. They’re just waiting for it to be over.
2. No one invites you to parties separately anymore.
Why bother inviting the two of you like real adult humans when you’re just going to show up attached to each other like an amorphous blob of emotional problems anyway? You don’t even get separate Facebook event invites anymore, people just send one to their preferred friend to have post-breakup. In fact, your friends might be praying that only one of you shows up, because if you go as a couple, you’ll probably end up arguing over the fact that one of you is having too much fun and it will end in tears. Please, spare us all.
3. Your cute couple Instagrams get less likes than anything else you post.
People like your dog, your brunch, your favorite quotes, your nails, and your freshly washed car more than your relationship. They would probably like a photo of a parking ticket or a particularly fun looking chair more than your two faces in one place. Everyone is sick of seeing your cute couple photos when you’re in a post-fight stage of euphoria, because they know it will only be followed by a confident, ‘just happy doing me’ spiteful selfie two days later.
4. Your friends don’t ask “what’s wrong?” when you fight in public.
Nope. Not going to buy into this bar fight. We just want to go one night without having to follow someone outside who is attempting to dramatically storm off and get seventeen “come back” texts in order to boost their ego. We’re over it. Please just let us talk about our jobs and drink overpriced vodka sodas and craft beers in peace.
5. You hear “that sucks” at least once a week.
This is like the stock photo of responses when it comes to hearing about your friend’s relationship. It lacks any empathy but is somehow still coldly sympathetic. What we’re really saying is “that sounds familiar and awful, but you’re on your own here, pal. I’ve told you to break up so many times. I will not respond until those that beautiful ‘we’re done’ leaves your mouth.”
reminder to folks not to dress up as a ‘mental patient’ this halloween, mentally ill people are not costumes and the dehumanisation and abuse of us in hospitals is not something to be used for your amusement